I know some things going on within a relationship between two friends of mine. One is cheating on the other. Though I have known the guy (let's call him Roger) longer than his girlfriend (who we will call Heather), I have become pretty close to Heather. And this secret is causing mass confusion in my mind.
About a week ago, I caught Roger downtown all over another girl. It looked as though they knew each a little too well, if you know what I mean. So I watched for a while from afar and witnessed Roger kiss this girl he was with. I was disappointed. Roger and Heather have been together for a couple of years now, and overall they are great together. Yes, they have their differences and problems do arise, but it has never been anything they haven't been able to work out. Also, I really like Heather. She's a good woman--smart, polite, has morals and a great sense of humor. Hence why I was surprised to see Roger acting like this.
Luckily Heather was not with me and my friends and Roger never spotted me spying. Coincidentally, I ran into him at another club downtown. The girl wasn't with him anymore so I suppose he felt no need to hide. He was acting normal, as if he had done nothing wrong. I tried to do same, trying not let my facial expressions show that I knew what was REALLY going on.
A week has passed and I still haven't said anything to either one of them. I don't like to get involved in people's relationships. I feel relationships are private, and everything done in the dark will eventually come out in the light. Plus, I do not want to be caught in the middle, though I feel like I already am. Then, there's the possibility that if I do tell Heather she might just go back to him. Then they'd both hate me ( a kill the messenger type of deal). So what do I do?? Roger has been my friend longer;however, Heather has the right to know. I might have to keep my mouth shut on this one...
Jazmyn,
ReplyDeleteYour post this week got me thinking. That seems like a really tough situation. My advice would be if Roger has been your friend longer and you consider him (and Heather) good friends of yours, I would call him out on it. Don't go behind his back and tell Heather but confront him as a friend about his "mistake." I can understand how you wouldn't want to get in the middle. I do think that if you cheat on someone in a relationship, the truth with eventually prevail. Also, if you were Heather, would you want to know the truth? Sometimes the truth hurts but I think Roger needs to start being honest.
I know you say you don't want to get involved but I feel like you have no choice. You are already involved. If Heather found out that you knew and didn't tell her she would never forgive you. So which is more important to you letting Heather get hurt worse or having Rodger be mad at you when he knows he's in the wrong. I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed by secrets but you can't hold it in you'll go mad.
ReplyDeleteThat is a tough situation...I have had instances similar to this before in my life where I have known about something going on based on my very own eyes. It's hard because you don't want to get involved in anyone's business, cause drama, or be the messenger of bad news. When I was in your position I never said anything, and the relationships honestly got so bad at points I wish that I had just told my friend what I knew about her boyfriend at the time. It's just one of those things where you should be loyal to whomever is your better friend and who you care about more. If that is Roger then you should call him out on it and ask him what he is doing. He'll be forced to take accountability for his actions and things can't possibly get worse considering you are the only one who knows. If he talks to you and says he's stopping, then ends up messing up again, then I would tell the girl as a "fellow girl" and let her know that she doesn't need to devote any more time into that relationship...that is a tough situation! I feel your pain. It is a hard decision.
ReplyDeleteYou should definitely say something to Roger about what you saw. If he denies it or brushes it off, I would tell Heather. If he respects you as a friend, he will tell you the truth. Regardless of what he says, I would bring it up to him and if he does nothing about it, then tell Heather. No matter what, he was all over and kissed another girl - bottom line. If my boyfriend were doing that to me and one of his friends saw it (girl or guy), I would want them to tell me. You don't want her to be made out to be a fool. I think you should definitely address Roger first though and hear his side of the story. However, ultimately, it seems as though he was in the wrong and if he is in fact cheating behind Heather's back, you should tell her after you speak with him if he himself doesn't do it.
ReplyDeleteYou may want to scope how things are going between the two. Although, if you wait to long to release the information, it may look like you were holding out on your girl friend. I guess it depends on who you like more. If you feel bad about withholding the information then you should tell her. If you think she will get over it then everything will work out. I thought last week was going to be the last mushy post haha! Sucks that these kinds of things happen but maybe this is just reason for the two to end their two year relationship. If he is already cheating on her, the relationship won't last.
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