Club Crazz

I'm only 22 years old and I think I'm over the "going out/clubbin" phase. Sad right? It's not that I just don't want to anymore, it's the people I've encountered the past few times I've been out. Let me tell you what happened last night.

Me and two of my friends went to Fibbers with only the intentions of having a good time. We arrived around 12:30 and had to wait in what seemed like a never ending line. About mid-way, these girls, who had friends already in line behind us, walked up. They decide instead of waiting, like everyone else is doing, to attempt to jump ahead of us. Uhm no, that's not going to happen on my watch. So, I stepped right back ahead of them! Then of course, like many people do when they are surrounded by a number of their friends, one of the girls starts talking loud and rambunctiously about me to her friends (she's standing right behind me and hear what she's saying). Here's side note you should know about me...I'm an easy going, laid back, like to have a good time type of person. However, do not disrespect me,especially if I have done nothing to warrant that behavior. As much as I wanted to turn around and ask the girl if she had anything she needed to say to me directly... I ignore it and go inside.

I brush what just happened off my shoulders and proceed to the bar with my friends to get a drink. The club is jammed packed with people and I being careful as to not step on anyones toes. We finally make it to the bar and as we're waiting to order drinks, a random (drunk) girl walks up, starts waving her arms everywhere and spills some of her beer on me! I was ready to lose it. She apologized over and over handed me napkins to dry myself. I brushed the beer off my shoulders, sipped my sex on the beach and walked towards the dancefloor, determined to have a fun filled night with my friends.

We're dancing for a few minutes; everything seems cool and dandy until we become bombarded with drunken girls all around us. It only begins to bother me when they start to invade our personal space. It's already tight, with little space and me and friends are trying to stick as close as we can together and yet people still are waving their arms here and there hitting us in the back, face and arms-- not caring or paying attention to others around them (like myself).

I can't take this anymore. I love to dance and have fun but I have found myself frequently more iritated and annoyed with how people act when out at these bars and clubs, than I am having fun. If only certain people knew how to handle themselves better, the whole atmosphere would be a lot more easy going. Such a shame...

Secrets

I know some things going on within a relationship between two friends of mine. One is cheating on the other. Though I have known the guy (let's call him Roger) longer than his girlfriend (who we will call Heather), I have become pretty close to Heather. And this secret is causing mass confusion in my mind.

About a week ago, I caught Roger downtown all over another girl. It looked as though they knew each a little too well, if you know what I mean. So I watched for a while from afar and witnessed Roger kiss this girl he was with. I was disappointed. Roger and Heather have been together for a couple of years now, and overall they are great together. Yes, they have their differences and problems do arise, but it has never been anything they haven't been able to work out. Also, I really like Heather. She's a good woman--smart, polite, has morals and a great sense of humor. Hence why I was surprised to see Roger acting like this.

Luckily Heather was not with me and my friends and Roger never spotted me spying. Coincidentally, I ran into him at another club downtown. The girl wasn't with him anymore so I suppose he felt no need to hide. He was acting normal, as if he had done nothing wrong. I tried to do same, trying not let my facial expressions show that I knew what was REALLY going on.

A week has passed and I still haven't said anything to either one of them. I don't like to get involved in people's relationships. I feel relationships are private, and everything done in the dark will eventually come out in the light. Plus, I do not want to be caught in the middle, though I feel like I already am. Then, there's the possibility that if I do tell Heather she might just go back to him. Then they'd both hate me ( a kill the messenger type of deal). So what do I do?? Roger has been my friend longer;however, Heather has the right to know. I might have to keep my mouth shut on this one...

My best friend (last mushy post promise)

My best friend is leaving me behind. Not intentionally. She graduated in May and her lease is up towards the end of this month. Its just now beginning to hit me full force. I'm trying to spend as much time with her as I can but that is a bit difficult. She's already kind of moved back home. Though her apartment here in Wilmington is still in tact, she's already acquired a job in her home, works there during the week and comes here on weekends.

We've only been friends (well close friends) for a little over three years but I feel like we've each other for a lifetime. We have had a lot of crazy things occur the past few years (breakups and makeups with boyfriends, new loves, family drama, illnesses, you name it) and we've held the others and throughout it all. She is also the person that seems to know me best (better than my immediate family even) and accepts me exactly how I am, no questions asked.

She won't be too far away (approximately and hour and a half) and I know our friendship won't come to an automatic halt. However, knowing that I won't be able to simply drop by on a whim, call her to go eat some place I've been dying to try out, check out a movie that no one else has an interest in-- and even though she may have already seen it or like the others has no desire too, she will accompany me anyway. She is the epitome of what a real, honest and loyal friend is ( I hope I have been the same to her in return). There's a saying that if you have enough friends to count on one hand, you've lived a good life (something like that). Well, I feel even if you have fewer than that, maybe even just one-- you have been truly blessed; just as I have been.

Friendships and Romance- the two don't mix

I recently decided to pursue an intimate relationship with a semi-close friend of mine. We have known each other since October and during the span of time between then and now, have (or should I say had) developed a pretty closely knit friendship. Coincidentally, we work together (big mistake- I know that now) and he claimed he had deeper feelings for me since we met. Well at the time, I had just stopped dating someone and was really not into the whole, dating/relationship thing due to the way it ended with the last person.

Time progressed and my friend, who I will call Josh for the purpose of this blog, grew closer and closer. About a month or so ago is when I realized how strong my feelings actually were for him. I brought this to his attention, we discussed the situation and both decided to pursue and see where our relationship could go as more than friends.

About a week ago, out of nowhere, Josh drops the "I value our friendship, can we go back to being friends?" bomb on me...at work (nice right?). I told him no, I can't go backwards, it's not how I operate. I proceeded to explain to him that there is no ill feelings on my part (that was a lie), but we would be more like acquiantances rather than close buds like we used to be.

Its is awkward at work. Since that conversation took place, I have yet to acknowledge his prescence when we are working together. My behavior is not coming from spite, I do miss talking and spending time with him, but right now it is more than I can handle--having to see him everyday because we work together. I know I can't keep this up for long. Knowing Josh, he will eventually approach me about my radical change in behavior if it keeps on (considering he's already mentioned us no longer conversating and how it upsets him to mutual close friends of ours), but I really have no words for him. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I feel completely justified and that Josh shouldn't expect for me to jump back into the way we were because it suits him best. On the other hand, I know keeping the disappointment and anger bottled up has the possibility of causing more damage to me in the long run. My advice to you all-- its not worth. Never date a friend/coworker.

I am having a somewhat of a difficult time realizing, or more so accepting, that my graduation is quickly approaching. I am set to end my journey here at UNCW in December and this mere fact has caused missed feelings of excitement and anxiety. Though I have known this day would come eventually and have prepared accordingly, I still find myself feeling lost as to what my next step is going to be and I am running out of time.

I have a few options, as I'm sure most people do upon graduating. I could stay in Wilmington; however, there aren't many available jobs here. Another option would be to move home and live with my mother. This cannot happen, once you're out why go back right? I could relocate to Atalanta where there are many job opprotunities available and start fresh, or move to California where my older sister is where they may possibly be a job lined up for me following graduation. I know the solution to my 'problem' seems simple--go where there's a guaranteed job offer, which is more than likely what I will do. Though I'm excited towards the thought of moving back to California, I would mean starting almost all over yet again. I had initially hoped I would be able to stay in Wilmington for a while, where I can further develop the great relationships I have made throughout these past four years, but I need to think realistically and responsibly about my future. So like I said before, I am stuck in dilemma kind of--stay or leave? I hope something comes to me send.

Steven Pinker and I. A. Richards

There is much that can be added to Pinker's overall idea of how humans interact with one another. throughou his video " The Stuff of Thought," Pinker describes human language and the methods in which we choose to communicate in three basic forms. Those three of which are: dominance, communality and reciprocity. The dominant relationships consists of a 'you do as I say' mentality often shared between bosses and their employees, teachers and students, or paretns and their children. Communality relationships reflect the ways in which friends 0r significant others interact with one another. It is a common ground where little is expected. Reciprocity is as Pinker stated to be, "a tit for tat exchange of services or goods." Each of these relationships have their own rules and methods of communicating which Pinker suggest keeps these three major relationships from intertwining. I.A. Richard's brings forth an idea in his 'Proposal for a New Rhetoric' by establishing that certain forms of language must be recognized as distinguishable forms of communication. " rhetoric's task is to distinguish the different sorts of ends, aims, for which we use language, to teach how to pursue them separetly and how to reconcile their diverse claims." - I.A. Richards.

Pinker admits that through these different modes of communication, certain messages and meanings can get lost within the innuendos and 'veiled' messages we give off when we communicate or interact wtih others. Pinker suggest the way for which the meannings and motives behind what we say or do can not get misinterpreted is through an establishment of "mutual knowledge". When mutual knowledge is created, then understanding is accomplished-- which can be either positive or negative. Richards believes that one of the means to which communicators can work towoards perventing "misunderstanding" when communicating are through use of metaphors. Pinke would associate this with indirect communication--which could have its perks. For instance, Pinker uses the example of man's attempt to initiate sex with a woman by asking her if she would like to come up and see his paintings (both knowing hidden innuendo is sex itself). By not being direct, there is a chance of causing a misunderstanding; however, it elivates some of the awkward tension that would have been blantantly apparent had he palinly asked to have sex with her. The down side to using methaphors or indirect language instead of establishing a mutual knowledge is the lack of a somewhat intimate understanding that can be shared. For example, Pinker uses people and the government to touch on this point. People are more inclined to demand change within a 'mob' or knowing there is an infinite number of people who agree (mutual knowledge) rather than alone, in fear that they may be the only one.

Thus being said, there really is no 'accurate' way to communicate with others. It all depends on to whom you are speaking with, the context of the subjet matter you are speaking of and what the meaning/ messge is behind what you are saying.

What my Superbowl Spot for Uncle Sam would be...

This is a difficult one to answer. Over the past few years, well..the few times I've watched the Supermodel, I have seen some pretty decent and some heart-felt commericals for the army. I do not really have an exact advertisement that comes to mind; however, the message behing my superbowl spot would be to remind Americans why we're still at war, but in a way that would gain additional support for those serving over seas and not to upset or anger the already irate. Strictly speaking for myself, I know I do not understand why we are still fighting a 'war' that in my opinion has no purpose and feels like it will never come to an end. I would like some reassurance that whatever we are doing over in Iraq and Afghanistan, that there is a great amount of good that is to come from this.