As I have mentioned in my last blog I am originally from California. Seeing as I have absolutely nothing else to blog about, I figured I would conclude this project with a reflection of my past.
So, I lived in the great state of California the majority of my life. My family and I moved to Cary, North Carolina four years ago right before the start of my junior year in high school. I am from a small town by the name of Rancho Cucamonga. My grandparents on my mother’s side also live in the same town. They moved to Georgia four months before our move to North Carolina. In fact, they inhabitated the same house up until the move. The house was as old as I was. For sixteen long years they lived on the corner of Cabernet Place. So many memories encompass that house and I miss a lot.
What I miss most about my home state are the people. It was a major culture shock coming from the west coast to what I consider to be the south. The people in California are so diverse and unashamed to be different. I miss that so much. It was a beautiful blend of all the races; the embodiment of a melting pot.
When I first moved here, I felt like an outsider to the rest of the world. Perhaps because we moved to a small place like Cary. Everyone knew I was the new girl, none of the girls spoke to me those first days, and I was receiving looks like I was from a different planet, or so it felt like to me.
I couldn’t believe how homesick I was. The dialect was different; the style of dress, the way people thought and how they acted, was all new to me. I have never met so many people who resented someone who was different. In California it was the exact opposite.
I also miss all the sunny days with perfect 75 degree weather. The beaches are different, the mountains look different. But of course most of all I miss the people. It has been for years and I have yet to return for a visit. I hope someday I will be able to.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
On My Own
I never thought I would be the one in my family to live alone in a separate state by myself. I know this is an odd topic but I am quickly running out of things to talk about.
It all started here at UNCW at the start of my freshman year. My family and I had moved from California to Cary right before my junior year in high school started. Then I came to Wilmington for school and no more than a month after, my parents split up and my mother, younger sister and younger brother moved to Georgia where my grandparents are located. My father I think still lives here in North Carolina, but I have heard from since the move.
It was not nervous or worried at all when my mother broke the news to me. In a way I was somewhat excited. I know it sounds awful- to be excited for your family to move away. It is not that I wanted to get rid of them of anything, I was just anxious to experience what it was going to be like being truly independent. I’ve always for the most part, kept to myself so I did not think that this would be a big deal. Georgia is only six hours away.
So I moved in with my best friend and her mother who lived in Morrisville (about 5 or 10 minutes away from our home in Cary). I have been there many weekends and always for Thanksgiving break this past two years. And though my friend and her mother are like family , it’s not nearly the same. I don’t experience the same joy as I do when I do go to Georgia and see my family.
Around Christmas time Freshman year is when I really started to feel the pain of not having my family around. I was not overly depressed, but at times it really did get to me. As I mentioned before, I have always kept to myself but this was a new feeling of loneliness I had never felt before. Every person has those moments where you just need to be surrounded by the people that love and care for you the most. My people live in another state.
However, as time went I got used to the situation. God blessed with more friends here in Wilmington who are my extended family. I know He did this because He saw the pain I was in. So at the end of the day, I am extremely grateful for what I have and who I have in my life. I have also become very independent, providing and taking care of myself. I feel accomplished learning this lesson so young.
It all started here at UNCW at the start of my freshman year. My family and I had moved from California to Cary right before my junior year in high school started. Then I came to Wilmington for school and no more than a month after, my parents split up and my mother, younger sister and younger brother moved to Georgia where my grandparents are located. My father I think still lives here in North Carolina, but I have heard from since the move.
It was not nervous or worried at all when my mother broke the news to me. In a way I was somewhat excited. I know it sounds awful- to be excited for your family to move away. It is not that I wanted to get rid of them of anything, I was just anxious to experience what it was going to be like being truly independent. I’ve always for the most part, kept to myself so I did not think that this would be a big deal. Georgia is only six hours away.
So I moved in with my best friend and her mother who lived in Morrisville (about 5 or 10 minutes away from our home in Cary). I have been there many weekends and always for Thanksgiving break this past two years. And though my friend and her mother are like family , it’s not nearly the same. I don’t experience the same joy as I do when I do go to Georgia and see my family.
Around Christmas time Freshman year is when I really started to feel the pain of not having my family around. I was not overly depressed, but at times it really did get to me. As I mentioned before, I have always kept to myself but this was a new feeling of loneliness I had never felt before. Every person has those moments where you just need to be surrounded by the people that love and care for you the most. My people live in another state.
However, as time went I got used to the situation. God blessed with more friends here in Wilmington who are my extended family. I know He did this because He saw the pain I was in. So at the end of the day, I am extremely grateful for what I have and who I have in my life. I have also become very independent, providing and taking care of myself. I feel accomplished learning this lesson so young.
Where are all my Dark Skinned Beauties?
This is a topic that rarely gets discussed. I hope that what I say does not offend anyone, but there needs to be light shed on this subject.
What is beautiful? I guess we all have our different standards and presumptions of what “beautiful” is- long hair, short hair, fat, skinny, tall, short, white, black. So what is it exactly? Well, for as long as I can remember, it has been the perfect blonde hair, blue eyed beauty. Perhaps it’s because I always went to school in the upper middle class, predominantly white society. Oh wait; maybe it’s what the media portrayed as being beautiful.
So as time progressed, I began to see more African Americans in the public eye. Black was slowly becoming beautiful for the entire world to see. And it was a good thing. Finally there was someone for me to relate to, almost, until life got a little more complicated.
Yes black people have come a far way, but have we gone far enough? Many may not know that there is a clear distinction as to what is beautiful and what is not, just within the African American community. The fare skin, long curly hair, light eyes, that is what’s deemed as the standard of beauty in our community. Why is that? Is it because those features are what’s closer to our white counterparts? Since when was it a shame to have full soft lips with a chocolate covered skin?
If you look on television and all the magazines, you can see what is glamorized as being beautiful pertaining to the black race- Beyonce (and I love her so much), Halle Berry, Ashanti, Rihanna, Mariah Carey, and the list continues. Now I believe all these women are gorgeous- well minus Ashanti( I really don’t like her at all). However, what about the rest of us? The standards of beauty reign heavy on young girls’ shoulders these days. I too along with all the other chocolate skinned women would like to see more of us portrayed in the media as beautiful and desirable, instead of a vixen or the lighter skinned girl’s side kick. There is a few of us out there like Gabrielle Union and Nia Long (see how short that list was). However, these women are hardly played up to the same hype as the others. It’s damaging to the self-esteem of many young black girls. If your skin is not fare, hair straight, and your lips and/or nose is too big, then you have some serious problems on your hands. It does not have be this way. Our features are what distinguish us from other races. Every race has things that our beautiful about them. I just wish more African Americans would embrace ourselves as we are instead seeking to conform to what society portrays as being beautiful.
What is beautiful? I guess we all have our different standards and presumptions of what “beautiful” is- long hair, short hair, fat, skinny, tall, short, white, black. So what is it exactly? Well, for as long as I can remember, it has been the perfect blonde hair, blue eyed beauty. Perhaps it’s because I always went to school in the upper middle class, predominantly white society. Oh wait; maybe it’s what the media portrayed as being beautiful.
So as time progressed, I began to see more African Americans in the public eye. Black was slowly becoming beautiful for the entire world to see. And it was a good thing. Finally there was someone for me to relate to, almost, until life got a little more complicated.
Yes black people have come a far way, but have we gone far enough? Many may not know that there is a clear distinction as to what is beautiful and what is not, just within the African American community. The fare skin, long curly hair, light eyes, that is what’s deemed as the standard of beauty in our community. Why is that? Is it because those features are what’s closer to our white counterparts? Since when was it a shame to have full soft lips with a chocolate covered skin?
If you look on television and all the magazines, you can see what is glamorized as being beautiful pertaining to the black race- Beyonce (and I love her so much), Halle Berry, Ashanti, Rihanna, Mariah Carey, and the list continues. Now I believe all these women are gorgeous- well minus Ashanti( I really don’t like her at all). However, what about the rest of us? The standards of beauty reign heavy on young girls’ shoulders these days. I too along with all the other chocolate skinned women would like to see more of us portrayed in the media as beautiful and desirable, instead of a vixen or the lighter skinned girl’s side kick. There is a few of us out there like Gabrielle Union and Nia Long (see how short that list was). However, these women are hardly played up to the same hype as the others. It’s damaging to the self-esteem of many young black girls. If your skin is not fare, hair straight, and your lips and/or nose is too big, then you have some serious problems on your hands. It does not have be this way. Our features are what distinguish us from other races. Every race has things that our beautiful about them. I just wish more African Americans would embrace ourselves as we are instead seeking to conform to what society portrays as being beautiful.
What Motivates Me..
Everyone comes to college seeking that higher education that our parents and teachers tell us we need. Right? But really motivates a person to get out there and actually do it? For some it’s money. For some it’s a passion to be involved in something greater. For some, it just that thing you do after you graduate high school. For me it was my family. Not just the parental pushing me to be better, achieve greater, but also, my siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it. Family is the root of everything. At least that’s what my life experiences revealed to me.
Ever since pre-k, my mother and father have pushed for my three siblings and me to live a better life than they had. The golden ticket to a good, happy, comfortable life is higher education. That is the ONE thing my parents always tried to imprint in our brains. Never were we to relive what they had done. My parents dropped out of community college and got married; the biggest mistake of their lives. Not long after, they were bogged down with four little ones of their own. Cramped in a two bedroom apartment, barely making ends meet they did not know how they would ever be able to make it on their own two feet.
My father had many issues, which left him unable to provide for his family at the time. Though he was an accountant, my mother- a hair stylist, times were always difficult in the Carter home. I don’t believe we ever stayed in one home for me than a couple of years. His issues were the reason we were in and out of my grandparent’s house. My parents take the blame for the life we lived. If only they had stayed school, was a common statement that came out of their mouths. I could see the shame, embarrassment, regret, and defeat in their faces at times. It broke my heart, especially to see my mother in that state. She is a marvelous woman who deserved nothing but the best. My heart ached for her.
My life has never been easy. But I appreciate everything I’ve learned from those rough patches. My motivation for being here, is my family and to have a better life. Plain and simple. So many people, including myself at times, take for granted the advantage we have here- being college students. I know there are many who are smarter, stronger, more driven than myself who probably deserve to be here more than I do, but will never get that chance. I thank God for this blessing even though at times this journey is rough. I also know I have to set an example for my two younger siblings. My older sister dropped out of college, and she was “the smart one”. It was so unexpected; no one saw that one coming. And now, there’s me. My parents split up my freshman year here, and the past couple of years have been pretty traumatic for them. They have become very discouraged about life and all of its possibilities it has to offer therm. I need to show them that they are not worthless, and are more than capable of achieving anything they aspire to have. My younger brother and sister are my biggest motivation by far. In an odd way, they have inspired me to be better. When I get discouraged they are who I think about to get myself back on track. My family is the root of everything to me.
Everyone comes to college seeking that higher education that our parents and teachers tell us we need. Right? But really motivates a person to get out there and actually do it? For some it’s money. For some it’s a passion to be involved in something greater. For some, it just that thing you do after you graduate high school. For me it was my family. Not just the parental pushing me to be better, achieve greater, but also, my siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it. Family is the root of everything. At least that’s what my life experiences revealed to me.
Ever since pre-k, my mother and father have pushed for my three siblings and me to live a better life than they had. The golden ticket to a good, happy, comfortable life is higher education. That is the ONE thing my parents always tried to imprint in our brains. Never were we to relive what they had done. My parents dropped out of community college and got married; the biggest mistake of their lives. Not long after, they were bogged down with four little ones of their own. Cramped in a two bedroom apartment, barely making ends meet they did not know how they would ever be able to make it on their own two feet.
My father had many issues, which left him unable to provide for his family at the time. Though he was an accountant, my mother- a hair stylist, times were always difficult in the Carter home. I don’t believe we ever stayed in one home for me than a couple of years. His issues were the reason we were in and out of my grandparent’s house. My parents take the blame for the life we lived. If only they had stayed school, was a common statement that came out of their mouths. I could see the shame, embarrassment, regret, and defeat in their faces at times. It broke my heart, especially to see my mother in that state. She is a marvelous woman who deserved nothing but the best. My heart ached for her.
My life has never been easy. But I appreciate everything I’ve learned from those rough patches. My motivation for being here, is my family and to have a better life. Plain and simple. So many people, including myself at times, take for granted the advantage we have here- being college students. I know there are many who are smarter, stronger, more driven than myself who probably deserve to be here more than I do, but will never get that chance. I thank God for this blessing even though at times this journey is rough. I also know I have to set an example for my two younger siblings. My older sister dropped out of college, and she was “the smart one”. It was so unexpected; no one saw that one coming. And now, there’s me. My parents split up my freshman year here, and the past couple of years have been pretty traumatic for them. They have become very discouraged about life and all of its possibilities it has to offer therm. I need to show them that they are not worthless, and are more than capable of achieving anything they aspire to have. My younger brother and sister are my biggest motivation by far. In an odd way, they have inspired me to be better. When I get discouraged they are who I think about to get myself back on track. My family is the root of everything to me.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
MJ!!!
As many may already know by now. I am undescriably, emensly, intensly, madly in love with Michael Jackson. The devastation I felt when I first caught wind that he had passed is indescribable. My whole heart erupted and leaked through my eyes with an immense amount of tears. My world fell apart. Those who are close to me know I am not passionate about much of anything. So this reaction came as shock to those who witnessed it. With my sudden lose; I have tried to live the past months celebrating his life and all the beautiful gifts he gave to the world. However, my heart still breaks when I come across old pictures, albums, posters, books, (yes I am THE Michael Jackson fanatic!) and the list could continue for days. To me, he was one of God’s greatest gifts to mankind that we were so undeserving of. His talent, his gracious heart, and the profound influence he has left on the musical world will always be remembered.
Michael Jackson was the perfect embodiment of the definition of an Icon. He was a leader, true innovator, and a revolution to music all around the globe. I do not believe there is one person in this world that has not been touched by his magical ingenious, whether it was an album, a song, or a cover version of one of his originals. His musical influence has passed from generation, to generation, to generation and will continue to do so.
There have been a number of imitators who have rehearsed MJ’s style and attempted to reclaim it as their own (Usher, Chris Brown, Ginuwine, Justin Timberlake, Ciara, - and this list can go on for days!!). This in particular angers me the most. I absolutely despise perpetrators!! I can’t explain the volcano that erupted within the pit of my stomach when the media was calling Chris Brown the “new” king of pop!!!!!! Absolutely despicable, especially considering every move done by chris brown was a reenactment of what MJ has ALREADY done.
In closing, I would like to say I would have married this man. There is not a shadow of doubt in my mind that knows if I had been granted the opportunity to meet him, I myself, would have dropped down on one knee and asked the Michael Jackson if he would do me the incredible honor of being my husband. Call me crazy (I’ve heard it many times before) but I could care less. Everyone asks me how I can claim I love him when I’ve never met him. All I can say is, I just do. I am madly in love with MJ and accept for who he is, what he’s done, the plastic surgery, and all his faults. Unfortunately, that day will never come for me and that thought makes me incredibly sad. But his memory, music, spirit, and legacy will always live. I LOVE YOU MJ! R.IP. August 29, 1958- June 25, 2009. Gone to Soon L
Michael Jackson was the perfect embodiment of the definition of an Icon. He was a leader, true innovator, and a revolution to music all around the globe. I do not believe there is one person in this world that has not been touched by his magical ingenious, whether it was an album, a song, or a cover version of one of his originals. His musical influence has passed from generation, to generation, to generation and will continue to do so.
There have been a number of imitators who have rehearsed MJ’s style and attempted to reclaim it as their own (Usher, Chris Brown, Ginuwine, Justin Timberlake, Ciara, - and this list can go on for days!!). This in particular angers me the most. I absolutely despise perpetrators!! I can’t explain the volcano that erupted within the pit of my stomach when the media was calling Chris Brown the “new” king of pop!!!!!! Absolutely despicable, especially considering every move done by chris brown was a reenactment of what MJ has ALREADY done.
In closing, I would like to say I would have married this man. There is not a shadow of doubt in my mind that knows if I had been granted the opportunity to meet him, I myself, would have dropped down on one knee and asked the Michael Jackson if he would do me the incredible honor of being my husband. Call me crazy (I’ve heard it many times before) but I could care less. Everyone asks me how I can claim I love him when I’ve never met him. All I can say is, I just do. I am madly in love with MJ and accept for who he is, what he’s done, the plastic surgery, and all his faults. Unfortunately, that day will never come for me and that thought makes me incredibly sad. But his memory, music, spirit, and legacy will always live. I LOVE YOU MJ! R.IP. August 29, 1958- June 25, 2009. Gone to Soon L
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